Kinlee choir

Wednesday at 2ish Todd (who I work with, who is in my bishopric and who has a daughter a year older than Kinlee) was at my desk and asked if I was going to the concert at the Jr. High that evening.  Needless to say I hadn’t heard anything about a concert from Kinlee, but she is in choir so I thought he must be right.  Or, it could be my lucky day and it was just the band.  Nope, no such luck.  I texted Kinlee and she confirmed that yes, she did have one at 6.  Don’t get me wrong, I love me a good concert and I love watching my kids participate in things, however, I like a little more heads up.  Anyway we made it and they did a really good job.  Then Ray stopped at home for a minute so we hurried out and got to see him and Jake for a minute before they headed back out.

 

carefully thankful

I have been wanting to do a thankful blog lately, because there are so many things I am thankful for right now.  I was actually considering listing all of those things I am thankful for individually.  However, I have had some anxiety about that because I don’t want to jinx myself.  We really don’t have the best of luck sometimes at our house and I tease with my “Cruise” friends that if I actually were to go with them on a cruise our boat would be the one to have some sort of issue.  As a result, I am very hesitant to be verbally thankful for things.  I know that sounds really stupid, but it might be true so I have to be really careful.  I just might be living on the edge by posting this little Thankful Thursday note.  On a side note, it is super sunny outside and I am getting off work at 2, so I might just go for a bike ride today.  I have really missed my bike this winter and my weight gain is most certainly a testament to my no exercise winter.

Stick a fork in me.....I'm Done

I have one really sad girl today at my house, and I really want to vent, so I guess this is the place.  Recently one of her friends was hit and verbally abused by her boyfriend.  Well, her friend ended up at our house afterward instead of going home, so I did what I would want someone to do for me.  I called her mom and let her know what happened.  I realize that some people think that we at the Young house “cause our own drama”, but this is what I feel like I needed to do.  Well, lately it is all kind of blowing up in our faces and Jerika and her boyfriends are getting blamed for “telling people” and I am just so sick of drama I could throw up!!  Anyway long story short, because it is really a long story, I told Jerika today to delete her from all of her accounts and never talk to her or about her again.  Needless to say I have one sad girl sobbing at school right now.  I think I just want to shut all of us off from the rest of the world and not have “friends” or anything else, it really would make things much easier.

Blog borrowing

I borrowed this from someone else's blog who has been through a lot more than I will ever go through and I really wanted to share.  It is from "The Moments we Stand" blog and she is amazing.  You can read it in its entirety here http://themomentswestand.blogspot.com/

"We are not going to choose our trials, we do not know what tragedies lie ahead in our path. We all have our "crap". Some may never be asked to share with the world what they are going through, and others might wish that they could... but that doesn't take away the fact that your pain is real, and hard.
We don't know what someone is really living. They post on the web, and show in public, a side of themselves that they want the world to see. I have been there! It doesn't mean there isn't pain and fear hiding behind their closed doors.
We see the smiles of their pictures of their trip to the Bahamas... but we don't see the credit card bill, that they argue over in the late hours of their night, that got them there. We see their perfect hair do's and spectacular outfits on all the pictures of their children... but we don't see the screams and tears that it might have taken to get them there. You stare at photos online of your friend's baby's first smile... Thinking 'what is wrong with my baby? Why doesn't she smile like that?', but you didn't see that two seconds after this smile was captured, that baby had a blow out that got poop all over everyone in the room. You see others in dream relationships... posting pictures every hour of their perfection. You don't see the pain in their heart that their partner has a pornography addiction that has been pushing them away from each other when the cameras are put away.
We all have our struggles. It is easy to watch another on Facebook, or even in real life and wish that we had what they do. Truth is... they might be doing the same thing, but about you. As I watched the reality family living out their every day life on that show, I had begun to wish that I could have what they had. Their struggles seemed simple compared to what I felt in my own. What I failed to realize was.... I was living someone else's dream. Maybe not the part where my husband was murdered or he was cheating on me, or any of the bumps in MY road... but there were people watching me, wishing they could just have a baby. There were people watching me who simply just wished that they had someone to love.... to watch blow out their candles on their birthday.
What battles do we fight... that one day if we look back and they are gone... we will miss? We will see that they were trivial and small. What mountains seem hard to climb... only because we are building them ourselves? What 'crap' do we constantly complain about that really doesn't matter? Save your fight for the things that do, and for the people who aren't on your team; Fight less with the ones who need you to see their worth and love more of the ones who can't find it in themselves.
We need to stop living our life to take pictures to show the world... and start enjoying the moments that are real. Take pictures to remember those moments instead of staging pictures that fake them. The next time you pitty another... or wish that you were them... remember that they have their own darkness that tries to destroy them. They too have a story, that might be harder to bear than the one you try to forget. Maybe you will never see their crap.... but it doesn't mean that it doesn't stink.
Even being a parent comes with so many joys, but also holds a lot of struggles and heart ache. As parents, sometimes we have to take the leap of faith that we trust our children to write their own stories. As spouses we have to jump in, with both feet, and trust and love. As children we have to look to our parents and the wisdom and counsel they have because of their love for us and their years of experience. Taking a leap is hard. I like the power of control and knowing that I am in charge of what happens to me. The truth is... I am not. If nothing else... this is the lesson I have learned. I cannot control what storms rage around me... my power lies in who I choose to become regardless of it. All I can do is MY best for me... and try to be there for others who are doing the best with what they have. I can give counsel and I can offer prayers... but ultimately I have to take a leap and let it go. That feeling is vulnerable and it is scary.... but relationships are so rewarding in so many ways when you can let go of the things that are not in your control. Healthy relationships are a series of leaps of faith. Faith that they are honest; faith that they will be true. Heavenly Father doesn't ask us to take those leaps with a promise that we will never fall. Some days will suck. Sometimes the leaps of faith will end with a crash... but we can't let our fear of getting tangled up...stop us from living with faith. Sometimes our leaps will leave us straddling in pain... but that doesn't mean they weren't worth taking. We must do our best to give it our all. Take the Leap. Find the smile.
Parenthood is going to be hard, just like my show that I had come to love, we are going to have highs and lows. The struggles are going to weigh us down at times. If you are blessed with the opportunity to live that blessing... take the leap. Give it your all. Every moment of every day, be the parent your kids deserve. Even when they are blowing out candles that you never thought you would watch them put out alone.... take a leap and smile for all the love that is in their eyes as they look up at you for the reassurance that it is a wonderful world. You may be watching them alone in your pain... but you are not alone. Lives pains are all around you. They may look like they are smiling on the outside, but inside they may be hurting just like you are. Life can be exhausting, it can seem unfair... but allow yourself to live the little joys that are still sitting all around you. They are waiting for you to take a leap and smile for them.

Spend less time on the dreams that you have stopped dreaming.... and more on the ones that you can make right now. Find joy in living the life and being the you that you are today. Don't wait around to find yourself... or wait for the year that will bring you the "life you deserve". Let life deserve all of you right now. Forget about the yesterdays where it was easy to laugh; Forget about the tomorrows that might bring you to a brighter one; smile for the todays and the moments you stand. Smile for the family you have.... even if it is just you. You may feel lonely, you maybe all you have left... so look in the mirror and smile for the fact that you are worth smiling for... even when there is no one there to grin back. Find the wonder in the world. You might be living the glory days right now, but missing them as you wait for them to come. Don't wait... because tomorrow might be too late. Take the opportunity to show all the eyes who watch you that even when it hurts... you can smile for them. Don't let a moment pass that you don't soak it all in. The world can be wonderful even when it is hard. The trees might not look green from where you are standing... so find a way to take yourself a little higher where you can get a different view. Take a leap and find joy as you soar.... one smile at a time."

FOOD ADDICT

After a long talk a few weeks ago with my nieces husband, I really have come to the conclusion that I am addicted to food.  Hello, my name is Janel and I am an addict.  And I am not meaning that in a funny way, I seriously am.  Below are a few things I have found that explain food addiction a little better.

Food Addiction Defined
Food addiction is a chronic, out-of-control or compulsive overconsumption of certain types of pleasure-giving foods despite potentially negative social and health consequences.
“Food addiction involves the compulsive pursuit of a mood change [through binge eating]," says Kay Sheppard, M.A., a mental health counselor and certified eating disorder professional who has authored three books on food addiction. “This is a disease that is primary, chronic, progressive and potentially fatal.”

Are all food addicts obese?
Size and addiction do not necessarily correlate, says Avena, an assistant research professor at the University of Florida College of Medicine in Gainesville, Fla. “It is likely that a subset of obese people have food addiction, but not all,” she explains. “Also, there is likely a subset of people who are not obese, but who may also meet the criteria for food addiction.”

“Food addiction manifests itself in the uncontrollable craving for excess food that follows the ingestion of refined carbohydrates, primarily sugar and flour substances that are quickly metabolized and turned into sugar in the bloodstream.  Due to those uncontrollable cravings, a food addict's quality of life deteriorates when he or she eats sugar, flour or wheat. It can deteriorate physically, emotionally, socially and/or spiritually. “

I don’t necessarily binge eat, but during the day I consume way more calories than I should and I am constantly thinking about food.  I really am not trying to make light of addiction or anything, but I truly believe that I do have a problem and isn’t that the first step?  Admitting you have a problem.  I might not look obese to those around me, however by definition, I am technically obese.  I told my nieces husband, that I thought since food isn’t illegal or against the rules of our church (like alcohol and smoking) that I wasn’t doing anything harmful.  But as I have thought about it more, I realize that it might just be killing me slowly. 

During the summer I exercised a lot because I was in a weight loss competition and I wanted to win.  So, that makes me think that the only more important thing to me than food is money.  I did win and I lost almost 24 pounds total last year.  Sadly, I have put some of that back on.  I felt good when I exercised and I know it was good for me, but I haven’t done much since winter started.  But, I have eaten a lot.  I love eating out which is another reason for my admission, I am working on my taxes and did my year-end report and a lot of money was spent eating out.  I am so tired when I get home from work most nights, since the change in my job, that I really don’t want to cook and it seems like the same is true on the weekends.  However, that is not the only problem, I LOVE sugar and chocolate and like said before I  eat way more than I should in a day and starting today I am going to do something about it. 

Church Calling

The day after we got back from Shelby’s wedding, I had to teach relief society.  I am the second Sunday teacher and I must say I would rather teach 500 teenagers.  I don’t know why that is, but I am scared to death every time I teach.  I feel so inadequate to be teaching such amazing people and I know for a fact the lessons are really for me.  I have only taught 3 times and don’t get me wrong, I love having a church calling I only have to do once a month.  However, the preparation for my once a month calling is much more than I would have ever imagined.  One of these times I would really like to record my lesson and listen to it back to make sure it even makes sense.  There are many sweet people every time I teach that tell me that I did a good job, or that the lesson was good.  And this time my bishop’s sweet wife even said something about it on facebook.  So, I have to be doing something right, right?  I have realized in teaching these lessons that the spirit does have me teach what I need to teach.  I print the lesson out, heaven forbid my book closes while I am teaching, and I move the questions up to the section where they need to be and I go from there.  Some things I have thought about all month that I really want to say, I don’t end up saying and sometimes I say things I hadn’t planned on saying at all.  So, I know I have extra help teaching these lessons.  I am super thankful too for those sweet sisters who comment.
My lesson last week was on the Plan of Salvation and included some on the Atonement too.  It talked about reflecting on why the plan of salvation was so important to us and also the Atonement. One thing I think about often are the babies I miscarried and also meeting my sister Jalyn.  I found some information in an Ensign about miscarriage and it said,
“Though our knowledge of the plan of salvation does not explain why miscarriages and stillbirths take place, nor what the eternal result will be, we can know with confidence that God, who is the father of all spirits, is merciful and just. We can know also that there is hope. Worthy parents can trust in him and know that they and all his spirit children will—one way or another—receive a just reward for their efforts and sacrifice, perhaps in ways that we do not presently comprehend.”
I really am thankful for my calling and I know without a doubt that these lessons are for me and this is the way that Heavenly Father is making me listen to what is said. 
I read a lot of other people’s blogs, I started doing this because I thought oh look at these people, their lives are much worse than mine.  Thinking I should stop feeling sorry for myself and my trials.  Since starting to teach, I have realized that these people’s trials are different than mine.  I know without a doubt I couldn’t handle some of the things these women go through and I know they couldn’t handle what I have been through or go through.  We each have our own internal struggles and nobody knows how those affect us except for us and our Heavenly Father.  We just need to focus on what we are doing and make sure we are doing our best, because really that is all we can do.

Nail Time

 

 

 

 

 

 

Swimming

The kids were in heaven this weekend!!  They got to swim a lot more than usual this time.  There seemed to be a little more down time and they loved it.

 

Shelby & Catie Sharp

Last weekend Shelby got married and I was lucky enough to be asked to take the pictures.  It really scares me to take pictures at weddings, because I don’t feel like I am professional enough and I want them to have the very best.  But, I was thankful that they trusted me with their special day. 
The girls and I left on Thursday with mom and dad since I was chicken and thought that the roads might be really bad to travel on, since it was February.  We were going to leave much later, but neither one of the girls had school that day because it was 20 below.  Isn’t it sad when you are actually happy that it is so cold outside.  But it made for a much smoother day of travel and we were able to stop for a nice lunch before the crazy began. 

We checked into the hotel and stayed there for a little while and then we went over to the church to start setting up.  They didn’t want anything too fancy, so it wasn’t too much work.  But, it looked really nice.  There was swimming time in there somewhere that day too, so Kinlee was in heaven, that kids loves to swim!!  That night us girls and our families and mom and dad stayed at the hotel.  Blake came later in bad weather and Merrill and Linda came the next morning in bad weather. 

The wedding was at 11 and it was a really nice short ceremony and both Shelby and Catie looked so happy.  After the ceremony, we had a luncheon, which was very nice also.  Then we went back to the hotel and that is where we stayed the rest of the evening.  They were nice enough to let us use the breakfast room for dinner since we had leftovers from lunch and then the girls did nails in there later and of course there was more swimming.

Saturday morning we left after breakfast and we were all so tired, we didn’t even stop to shop or buy cookies or anything.  We did stop at Olive Garden in Idaho Falls for a late lunch though and then we headed home.  It really was a very nice weekend and we are so happy to have Catie in our family!!