November 5th

We woke up on November 5th and she did live through the night. I'm not sure at this point even if I really comprehended how dire Kinlee's situation really was. I had so much stupor of thought about going to California. I don't know why I was fighting it so hard. Maybe it was because I didn't want to admit how bad it truly was and if I wasn't there I wouldn't have to make myself believe how horrible her situation was. My mom, Trulee and a few others let me know what I NEEDED to do and that was to go to California. My mom told me what gave me the kick I needed to decide. She said, "Janel you know if your dad was here, he would tell you that you need to be there and he would go himself if he could". Well, I knew my dad was already there with her and that yes I did need to go. I called Brooke at that point and told her I needed her and John. They were there very soon after my call. Brooke came first and helped me get my flight booked to San Diego. At that point I guess I just thought when I got to San Diego I would figure out how to get to Chula Vista once I landed. After we got it booked my mom helped me pack and John gave me the most amazing blessing.

Let me go back a few weeks. My temple recommend was expiring in November so I went into one of our Counselors at church to get my interview. I work with said counselor and he is amazing. I don't know what I was struggling so much, but I had the strongest feeling that I had not been forgiven of previous sins and that is one of the temple recommend questions. Well, not exactly but it does ask if there is anything in your past you haven't repented of. I have repented, but I was struggling so hard with the doubt that I hadn't been forgiven. The counselor told me, Janel, I know you and I know you shouldn't worry I'm sure your Heavenly Father knows your heart and you shouldn't worry.

Back to my blessing that day. At the beginning of my blessing, John said these exact words and remember them like it was yesterday. "Janel, your Heavenly Father loves you and he wants you to know that you HAVE been forgiven of all your sins!!" Nobody knew I was struggling except for that counselor and my Heavenly Father. He also knew that I was about to enter into the hardest time in my life and I would NEED to know that it was Him talking to me through John. He also told me that Kinlee would be okay. What relief that brought me. Even though I knew there were different levels of Okay.

After that I finished packing Jerika came and took me to the airport.

When I got inside the airport, they told us there wasn't enough room for all carry ons and that they needed some of us to check our bags that were larger. I was on the last group to board and knew my bag most likely would not fit, which sent me into a full meltdown. I knew if I had my luggage with me and didn't have to check it I could handle the rest of the stress.  So, I went and talked to the gate agents and told them my circumstances and that I could not check my luggage because I needed to hit the ground running in San Diego. She was so kind and told me that no matter what they had to do I would not have to check my luggage at any point. THANK YOU ALASKA ARILINES. When I got on the plane, the flight attendant came up to me and gave me water and snacks and called me by name and told me I was the VIP for the flight and to let them know if I needed ANYTHING. All of the flight attendants on that flight checked on me several times. ANOTHER TENDER MERCY.

This really was one of the longest days of my life, so I will be breaking it up into separate posts.